Having a successful relationship when you have a mental illness.

Well, as of yesterday, I've been married for 3 years.

These past 3 years have gone by pretty quickly. I guess the older you get, the faster it goes.

Now, I figured since I am schizophrenic and I have a successful marriage, I'd write a few things about what is essential in a relationship if one of the members has a serious mental illness.

Now, what should be obvious, is that marriage is a lot of work. It takes a lot of effort to keep a relationship alive, and one thing that is important is that both members must be ready for that work. If either, or neither, of you want to work for a relationship, then it's best not to be in one.

Another important thing is open-mindedness. The one without the mental illness must be open to new ideas and new situations at any given point. As those with mental illness and those who deal with people with a mental illness on a daily basis know, mental illness is very unpredictable and unstable. The one with the mental illness must have an open mind, too, in the sense that they must be aware that the other member does not think like they do. They must be aware of a linear train of thought and be able to adapt to it. They must understand that the chaos they have in their own head doesn't apply to the one without the mental illness.

Next, I will address patience. Patience, especially with the one lacking the mental illness, is also up there with one of the most important things necessary in this sort of relationship. It often takes someone with a mental illness a lot of time to change behavior and modify themselves positively. This happens, I believe, because of the over-stimulation that life brings every day to someone with a mental illness. In having to filter out unwanted noise in their head, the changes they need to make in their behavior have to come from whatever energy and mental control is left over. That is, at least, what I have noticed with myself.

Something also essential is communication. The one with the mental illness should know that they must explain themselves a lot of the time and it would be best to be prepared to do so. This takes placing a lot of effort in self-awareness, which is healthy anyway. The member without the mental illness must be willing to listen and really hear what the other is saying. Never allow one-word answers in reference to how the one with the mental illness is feeling. The self-awareness often needs assistance, and a pushy significant other can really help that process.

Remember, as well, to always have a sense of humor. You have to be able to look at life and its complexities and laugh. When depressed, it is important that the one who is not depressed is able to make the depressed one laugh. I have been brought out of the depths many times by my husband just being able to get at least a giggle out of me. This is important in any relationship, and I would place it number one on the list of important things to have in a romantic relationship, or even a friendship.

Many of these things cannot be achieved without love behind them. I can't tell you how you know when you're in love, but I'm sure it would be fairly obvious. A want to accomplish all the things I have listed would be a good indication, I'd think.


Friend: "Does your husband like me?"
Me: "Yeah, why?"
Friend: "I don't know, some people have trouble handling me."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Friend: "I can be too forward."
Me: "Uh, he married me - I don't think he'll have a problem with how forward you are."

That'll amuse anyone who knows me in person. Needless to say, I can be a little in-your-face.

I had an excellent anniversary, though not everything went according to plan. I got flowers!

The new picture on my profile here is what I was wearing last night. You shrink a lot when you lose 60 pounds.

Anyway, that's it for right now. Until next time!