Gender identity.

I've always been confused as to what my gender was actually meant to be.

I am very masculine, not in the way I look, but how I behave.  I find emotions difficult.  I don't understand those who rely on emotion and not logic to get by.  I am more of a male chauvinist than my own husband, and even more than other men I know.  I like math and science, and am good at them.  I don't like love stories.  I hardly ever cry.  I hate shopping.  I don't like to cook, or clean, or any other domestic chore.  I've always been friends with more men than women.  I think men have certain benefits over women, though I'm not saying women don't have their own skills.  I just don't think I possess them.

I do like clothes, and makeup, and shoes, and chocolate.  I am attracted to men.  


Gender identity to me is a very important thing socially.  Women and men are not equal.  I'm not saying one is superior to the other, I'm just saying men are more suited for some things and women are best suited for others.  I am an exception to this, and there are others. 

I do not wish to be male.  I feel comfortable as a female, even though I don't feel like one most of the time.  I am comfortable with who I am, even if my gender identity is confused.

I am married to someone who understands, though.  He wants to stay home and take care of the house and the kids.  That makes me happy, and I know that he is a rarity.  He is the perfect match for me.

I just find men easier to get along with.  They make much more sense to me than women do.  I have a few friends that are women, but we have built connections through commonalities.  I often use them to figure out what my own emotions mean.  We have also been through a lot together.

In my scope of associates and friends, I'd say 80% of them are male.  Keep in mind that I do not possess a lot of friends, I'm estimating using a number of 15 total significant relationships.  

I've always been this way.  In elementary school, I was a tomboy.  I dressed like a boy, I had boy interests, all my friends were boys.  I got into trouble like a boy.  

I've always been strong-willed.  I forgive easily, and I put up with a lot, but only because that is the logical approach to me.  I always will put up with a lot, and forgive mistakes (because I make them, too), to avoid further conflict.  That does not mean, however, that I do not have strong convictions and that I do not know what I want.  I, ultimately, look out for my best interest.  I have no desire to serve anyone but myself.  It does not mean I do not care about the happiness of others, because that couldn't be further from the truth.  

Women are better with emotions and empathy.  They provide a valuable insight into the way humanity works and fit jobs specific to that.  They are more suited to take care of children and other domestic things.  They provide better love because they are more in tune with their emotions.

Women are also deceitful, and are capable of playing with your emotions.  This gives them a valuable one up on men.  While they may not be in positions of power directly, women are certainly capable of exercising their influence on the men they are with, and therefore are also in the position of power.

Men are better at detaching themselves from the emotional side of things.  They can look at a situation from a logical standpoint.  They are better at weighing positives and negatives.  They are better for logical pursuits, which is often what is more what success in this world is about.  By success, I mean money and power.

I love men very much, and I detest women for the most part.  They say people don't like what they don't understand, and I suppose that is true in this case.  I suppose most of the time I am fascinated by what I don't understand, but there is a level of understanding that I will simply not reach with women.  That, naturally, makes me feel uncomfortable.  


I am female, physically and hormonally.  I am male, mentally.  But I am comfortable this way.  This is who I am and I know no different.  I am loved this way, and I love myself this way.