Emotions.

It has been 5 days since I turned on emotion.  It's been quite the ride.

Today alone, I've been 6 different emotions.  It's confusing, and complex, but I'm dealing fairly well I think.

I want people to know I care more than I want them to tell me they care.  I want to show my affection.  I have a desire to feel happiness.  I am more empathetic.

I am also more quick to anger.  I feel sadness frequently.  I feel frustration.  I feel need and want and desire.  

I still can't quite figure out how to factor emotion into my decision making.  I think logic will still be my deciding factor in decisions.

On Monday, I delivered my professor's birthday gift.  I got him a clock that goes counter clockwise.  I figured it was the perfect gift, since he's always saying "Everything in the universe goes counter clockwise."  So I got him a clock that goes the right way.  

He thought it was perfect as well.  He replaced a clock in his office with it as soon as he opened it.  

I also exchanged e-mails with him.  He said I was determined, genuine, curious and creative.  I told him not to mistake my stubbornness for determination, or my frankness and refusal to lie with being genuine.  I'm not all that genuine in person, I tend to come up with almost choreographed responses based on what I think is an appropriate response to a given situation.  

I told him he could take that as "She can't take a damn compliment" if he wanted to.

I explained to him that the schizophrenic mind doesn't work the same as other's minds do.  I told him that there's social detachment because it's difficult to make thoughts into something others would understand.  We have to change so much of what we are to make something into something someone can comprehend successfully.  It takes a lot of work.  

I told him about my IQ score.  I told him how absurd it was.  I told him it was entirely unreasonable.

I've been buying Christmas gifts for my friends.  They're all going to love me this year.  I'm excited to give them their presents.  

So, onward I go through the land of emotion.  Wish me luck in my travels.