Why are you so hard on yourself?

A lot of people have asked me over my lifetime why I am so hard on myself.

I wanted to explain that in this entry.

I strive to constantly improve myself. I am constantly on the look out for errors I may have committed. I want to fix those errors so I do not make the same error again. If I do make the same error, it is a failure on my part and I see it as such. Anything I do not succeed at is a failure. Simple as that.

I know I am not perfect, and I know I shouldn't attempt to be unnecessarily. This does not mean, however, that I should sit by and allow myself to make critical errors.

Now what sort of error is defined as critical? A critical error is one that, if made again, will cause a negative end. It can related to social relationships, or school, or professional relationships, or anything else.

I vow to learn from my mistakes at any cost. I remember them if they are pointed out to me. One thing about certain people that drives me crazy is if they refuse to learn from their mistakes. It's not that hard to do if you pay attention to it.

Now, why do I refuse to take a compliment? I do not think I am worthy of compliments. While they are welcomed and valued, I don't think they are needed. I don't need to be reminded of what is good about myself, I need to be told what is wrong with myself so I can fix it. The good things about myself are irrelevant. They do not help me, while they do make me smile, they don't serve to assist my goal.

When I make an error, I don't beat myself up over it. Quite the contrary. I value my mistakes, and am happy when I make them. I don't like to be correct all the time. It is a happy reminder that I am human and that I still have a lot to learn.

I was recently told that you can seek to improve yourself without being hard on yourself. While that may be the case, I believe it will take a lot longer if you are not stern with yourself.

I am not depressed. I love myself. I also hate myself, but only the parts of me that are not completely developed. I am constantly striving to become who I want to become, and there are parts of me that are there already. There are, however, many parts of me that are not, and I must constantly be aware of those parts of myself.

While I don't recommend this train of thought to everyone, it works for me. I don't many people would be able to handle the stress I place on myself. Maybe even I cannot handle it and I am toxic to myself. That will simply be another lesson learned, another way to improve myself.

So please, if you love me, correct me. If you care at all about me, correct me. Point out where I am wrong, the flaws in my logic. That is how I know that you care about me. I like compliments and praise, surely I do, but that's not what I am really after. I can only be this way out of love for myself, so don't think of it any other way.