I have stated in a previous entry how I choose to live an emotion free life. This entry will be dedicated to how I block out emotion, how I keep relationships even though emotional attachment is minimal, and "my version" of emotional responses. I am also adding a supplemental section on my limits in daily functioning.
Part III - Emotion, or the Lack Thereof
I live comfortably never paying attention to how I feel about things. This is not an easy system to adopt, nor one I'd necessarily recommend. You have to be willing to go without feeling true happiness, listening to instinct, and empathy, among other things.
A: Blocking Out Emotion
Now, this is something that takes quite a bit of work initially. I've had to adopt logic as a ruling system in almost a religious way, for lack of a better term.
I don't feel anything anymore. This comes from years of ignoring my feelings, which is pretty much the only way you can function in the way that I do. I was able to do this with immense amounts of self control and mental discipline. It's like ignoring pain, or a mosquito bite, or illness. When I put my logic systems into place, my confusion with emotional factors and my inability to calculate things successfully with them led, eventually, to ignoring emotion entirely. When I couldn't figure out a logical system that worked consistently with emotion factored in, I threw emotion out.
B: Emotionless Relationships
I am happily married, have a good amount of friends, and good relationships with family. This is in part because these people accept the way I am and love me for who I am, and also because I am able to maintain these relationships even though emotion doesn't come into it.
I consider many things when I seek out relationships with people. I consider the benefits to me, the benefits to them, and the benefits of our relationship in relation to outside parties. If the relationship fills needs on multiple levels, then it is worth seeking out. This is one time when emotion in others is considered, but not the emotion in myself. Does the other person care for me, or have an emotional attachment to me? This is one major thing I consider, since I know emotional attachment on my end will be minimal, and I find that the benefits to me are increased when the other party cares about me. Also, pain is reduced to the other party when they care about me and I increase their level of personal importance to me.
I am an affectionate person, though I show it in strange ways. My normal way of showing affection is to correct people, though I also tell people I love them and how important to me they are. I also sacrifice a lot for people, since how I feel about something is unimportant. Usually people know I "care" based on what I say and how I behave, and that is enough. They don't require me to actually feel anything, so long as I take their emotions into consideration.
I maintain relationships based on their benefit in being in some kind of relationship with me, and the benefits to me. The most important benefit is filling my very minimal emotional needs, which is reduced to simply caring for me. I don't care how others show they care, so long as they do. Often the ones who care the most end up being my closest friends.
C: My versions of emotions
Since I lack emotion, I have to come up with logical equivalents to emotion in order to satisfy others. I will now list various emotions, and logically how I come to a similar sort of thing for each emotion.
Happiness- I am "happy" when things have benefits of some kind. If someone tells me some good news, and the news is good because it logically has benefits, then I apply the term "happy." When some of my needs are met, I am "happy."
Sadness- I am "sad" when I see that things have negative effects, on myself or others. This usually applies to a sort of disappointment, or emotional consequences in others. For example, when someone dies, I am "sad" because either A: I will never receive their benefits again, or B: others will never receive their benefits again. B only applies when the loss is connected to someone I have ranked somewhere higher up on my scale of personal importance.
Anger - I am "angry" when benefits are lost due to illogical reasons. This can apply either to me, or those I care about. I am also "angry" when promises are not kept or expectations are not met. I am never "angry" when something can be explained logically, however.
Love- "Love", to me, is a complex logical process. I have to have determined that the person I "love" provides an ultimate amount of benefits to me. They must meet even unsaid needs, and they must love me first. People who I "love" rank highest on personal importance, and that is determined by a variety of factors, including previous patterns displayed.
Suspicion/Apprehension- I have to have "suspicion" as an "emotion," but only when it is justified. This "emotion" is applied when the party it is applied to has demonstrated inconsistent patterns in behavior, or I simply do not have enough data to be comfortable with a specific reaction to something.
Loneliness- I "feel" "loneliness," or I "miss" someone when their benefits are unsensed by me for a length of time I am uncomfortable with. I like to have someone's benefits regularly, whether they are needed or not. If I do not, my relationships suffer because their personal importance to me is lessened since I don't have their benefits, and therefore I end up "caring" less.
Those are the basic emotions I can logically process. Other than that, emotions are very vague and I don't have specific ones.
Supplemental: Limits in Daily Functioning
I have certain limits in daily functioning. I have only so much social interaction "points" saved up. I have about 300 points a week, and each person takes a different amount of points to interact with based on the category I place them in. Some people take more work, such as acquaintances, and therefore use more points. Some people require no points at all, and those are usually the people in the "Friend plus" and "Other" categories. These people I could spend an unlimited amount of time with without taking up any points. The same sort of system works with physical contact, though those points are reduced to about 50 total points a week to work with. Some people have no points assigned to them, such as my husband, though others do have points assigned. Each category has different point assignments. When my points are used up for the week, I dislike social interaction and physical contact.
Left over points don't cycle over to the next week, they just go away, for the most part. I can go over my limit, with a bit of work, but I'd end up avoiding most people for a good length of time until my points build up again.
So that's how I function without emotion, which is the safest option for me. In my next entry, I will go into how lack of emotion and certain logic systems help me in managing schizophrenic symptoms, which is the original reason I adopted this system to begin with.
Part III - Emotion, or the Lack Thereof
I live comfortably never paying attention to how I feel about things. This is not an easy system to adopt, nor one I'd necessarily recommend. You have to be willing to go without feeling true happiness, listening to instinct, and empathy, among other things.
A: Blocking Out Emotion
Now, this is something that takes quite a bit of work initially. I've had to adopt logic as a ruling system in almost a religious way, for lack of a better term.
I don't feel anything anymore. This comes from years of ignoring my feelings, which is pretty much the only way you can function in the way that I do. I was able to do this with immense amounts of self control and mental discipline. It's like ignoring pain, or a mosquito bite, or illness. When I put my logic systems into place, my confusion with emotional factors and my inability to calculate things successfully with them led, eventually, to ignoring emotion entirely. When I couldn't figure out a logical system that worked consistently with emotion factored in, I threw emotion out.
B: Emotionless Relationships
I am happily married, have a good amount of friends, and good relationships with family. This is in part because these people accept the way I am and love me for who I am, and also because I am able to maintain these relationships even though emotion doesn't come into it.
I consider many things when I seek out relationships with people. I consider the benefits to me, the benefits to them, and the benefits of our relationship in relation to outside parties. If the relationship fills needs on multiple levels, then it is worth seeking out. This is one time when emotion in others is considered, but not the emotion in myself. Does the other person care for me, or have an emotional attachment to me? This is one major thing I consider, since I know emotional attachment on my end will be minimal, and I find that the benefits to me are increased when the other party cares about me. Also, pain is reduced to the other party when they care about me and I increase their level of personal importance to me.
I am an affectionate person, though I show it in strange ways. My normal way of showing affection is to correct people, though I also tell people I love them and how important to me they are. I also sacrifice a lot for people, since how I feel about something is unimportant. Usually people know I "care" based on what I say and how I behave, and that is enough. They don't require me to actually feel anything, so long as I take their emotions into consideration.
I maintain relationships based on their benefit in being in some kind of relationship with me, and the benefits to me. The most important benefit is filling my very minimal emotional needs, which is reduced to simply caring for me. I don't care how others show they care, so long as they do. Often the ones who care the most end up being my closest friends.
C: My versions of emotions
Since I lack emotion, I have to come up with logical equivalents to emotion in order to satisfy others. I will now list various emotions, and logically how I come to a similar sort of thing for each emotion.
Happiness- I am "happy" when things have benefits of some kind. If someone tells me some good news, and the news is good because it logically has benefits, then I apply the term "happy." When some of my needs are met, I am "happy."
Sadness- I am "sad" when I see that things have negative effects, on myself or others. This usually applies to a sort of disappointment, or emotional consequences in others. For example, when someone dies, I am "sad" because either A: I will never receive their benefits again, or B: others will never receive their benefits again. B only applies when the loss is connected to someone I have ranked somewhere higher up on my scale of personal importance.
Anger - I am "angry" when benefits are lost due to illogical reasons. This can apply either to me, or those I care about. I am also "angry" when promises are not kept or expectations are not met. I am never "angry" when something can be explained logically, however.
Love- "Love", to me, is a complex logical process. I have to have determined that the person I "love" provides an ultimate amount of benefits to me. They must meet even unsaid needs, and they must love me first. People who I "love" rank highest on personal importance, and that is determined by a variety of factors, including previous patterns displayed.
Suspicion/Apprehension- I have to have "suspicion" as an "emotion," but only when it is justified. This "emotion" is applied when the party it is applied to has demonstrated inconsistent patterns in behavior, or I simply do not have enough data to be comfortable with a specific reaction to something.
Loneliness- I "feel" "loneliness," or I "miss" someone when their benefits are unsensed by me for a length of time I am uncomfortable with. I like to have someone's benefits regularly, whether they are needed or not. If I do not, my relationships suffer because their personal importance to me is lessened since I don't have their benefits, and therefore I end up "caring" less.
Those are the basic emotions I can logically process. Other than that, emotions are very vague and I don't have specific ones.
Supplemental: Limits in Daily Functioning
I have certain limits in daily functioning. I have only so much social interaction "points" saved up. I have about 300 points a week, and each person takes a different amount of points to interact with based on the category I place them in. Some people take more work, such as acquaintances, and therefore use more points. Some people require no points at all, and those are usually the people in the "Friend plus" and "Other" categories. These people I could spend an unlimited amount of time with without taking up any points. The same sort of system works with physical contact, though those points are reduced to about 50 total points a week to work with. Some people have no points assigned to them, such as my husband, though others do have points assigned. Each category has different point assignments. When my points are used up for the week, I dislike social interaction and physical contact.
Left over points don't cycle over to the next week, they just go away, for the most part. I can go over my limit, with a bit of work, but I'd end up avoiding most people for a good length of time until my points build up again.
So that's how I function without emotion, which is the safest option for me. In my next entry, I will go into how lack of emotion and certain logic systems help me in managing schizophrenic symptoms, which is the original reason I adopted this system to begin with.
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