No escape.

Started the day with my hood up.
I actually got some sleep last night, though I know it wasn't good sleep. I'm still just so overwhelmingly exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally - no side of me gets a break lately.

Had Kelly and Becca's housewarming party last night. We went over there early, played dominoes and Munchkin while we waiting for other people to arrive. Smoked a bit, drank a bit, and left around 10:30 because Chris wasn't feeling well. That's fine, there were a lot of people and I was feeling a little bit uncomfortable.

Got home, watched some T.V., and went to bed.

I feel like my head is echoing. The voices sound like they're talking in a cave. It's obnoxious because I keep thinking they're in the room coming from all corners.

The cameras appear permanent, they don't disappear when I focus on them anymore. Maybe people really are watching me and it's all part of a game or experiment or amusement for them. The racing thoughts keep me from grabbing onto what I know must not exist, and it's proving hard to stay focused on something. It's shutting down my logic of the situation and it's making me nervous.

Pulled down my hood for a minute to scratch my head and I swear there was a face in the window. Went to go focus on it, and it's gone. I'm putting my hood back up now.

I don't know what the rest of the day holds for me, but we'll find out I suppose! I just know it'll be a struggle to stay okay, as it has been for a while. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude but the self hatred fights it every step of the way. So glad I decided to get into therapy.

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."
-Henry Ellis