Thursday I had an appointment with my psychiatrist. We decided to switch me around on medication. When the process started, I was the most anxious I have been in a long time. I've been on Geodon for 4 years, and it's always been faithful to me. Well, until now. All of a sudden I felt like I was off medication. I am now taking Saphris as well as Geodon. Every day seems to be improving, but I cant really tell if it's my anxiety going away or if it is actually working.
Among all the stress that I'm already going through, last week my friend got arrested. He was threatening to kill his therapist and my other friend called where his therapist was to tell them, and in the end he got arrested. He had a warrant, however, for child support. A felony. My friend who called got really upset that he got arrested and she was in fear for her life. Though, in the end, he wasn't angry like she feared. He just wants everything to go back to normal, apparently. I spent most of a couple days even more on edge because of this, causing my paranoia to go even more haywire.
Friday I had therapy, and it went well. My goal for this week is to stick to a schedule I write ahead of time. I already have today, tomorrow, and Wednesday planned out in my therapy journal. Things that are on my schedule is homework, be artsy, do housework, take a nap, etc. My days turn out to be pretty full when I scheduled it all out for a few days. I hope this gives me more motivation and makes me more goal-oriented. So far I've stuck to the schedule, and currently I'm on "free time/TV/computer" time. I'm also supposed to be doing art for therapy, and I should really bust out my sketch book. Maybe I'll go do that. I can do a piece of art a day and take a picture and post it here. That sounds like a nice idea.
The weekend went pretty quickly; I spent most of yesterday in a funk. So did Chris, I think he was mad at me because I wasn't helping with housework. I'm sorry Chris, I really did not feel good. I got so depressed, then got dizzy with a headache. I'm not trying to be lazy. Sigh. This mental illness sucks, I have no motivation. I'm trying though, really hard, I promise.
There are cameras in the corners of the rooms in my house that are watching me. They just wont go away, and the paranoia, though not as bad, is wearing my brain out. I do feel a difference on this medication, and I hope hope hope hope it works well. I've been on it for 4 days, and every day feels a little bit better. I'm not going to get my hopes up, though. I'll just cross my fingers and move on with my day.
I have a math test tomorrow that I need to study for. I worked it into my schedule, so I'm not too worried about it. I'm doing fairly well in the class and this chapter is really easy, so it's a weight off my shoulders. I also have to present our group project tomorrow in College Success Skills. I'm teaching it and generally in charge. I hope Eboni got the little markers or something to mark our Bingo cards. I need to go to the grocery store and get a prize for winning Bingo. Everything is almost done, I just have to write up the test and answers and get together all the things I'm going to need to talk about how to write a resume as our opening activity. That stuff shouldn't take too long, and I have the time in my schedule allotted for it. No worries.
Oh, and turns out I do have a small cyst on my ovary. There's something actually physically wrong with me! Weird! I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. I don't really know what we're going to do about it, and I keep forgetting to ask. I'm going to call and make an appointment right now.
Ugh, I'm on hold.
I'm really excited for the week of May 2nd, it's PsychWeek on the Discovery Health Channel. I'm recording every single special. I might write reviews here if anyone is interested. I might do it even if you're not interested! So there.
Alright, Thursday at 2:30pm is my appointment,
I got interviewed for the PatientsLikeMe newsletter. Here is what was written:
At PatientsLikeMe, we believe in getting to know the person, not just the "patient." That's why we interview patients each month to find out more about how they approach life. This month we are pleased to feature rudicollis, a three-star member from Royal Oak, Michigan.
1. Where do you find courage?
I find courage through the trials and tribulations of others. I get strength knowing that others have had it worse, but they made it through. I also find comfort and courage in reflection. I spend a lot of my time just thinking, going over my life and what is going on. After good reflection, I can make positive changes. I find intrepidity in making plans for the future, as well. I find that having something to look forward to keeps me motivated and excited about what is to come.
2. Who has been a mentor to you?
While there are many people that I admire, my two greatest mentors have been my parents. I've put them through a lot, and they always stuck by me with support. I respect them immensely because of all the things they have gone through and their strength in some tough situations.
3. Do you try to raise awareness about your condition - and if so, how?
I do try to raise awareness and understanding of schizoaffective disorder by being very open about it. I try to educate others about mental illnesses in general. I've done an open mic speech about mental illness to help people understand and not fear it. I am very outspoken about it.
4. How has PatientsLikeMe impacted your outlook?
PatientsLikeMe has helped me immensely. It gives me great insight of my moods, medications, and side effects. I feel like my life is in more control with PatientsLikeMe. It has given me the strength to be a lot more positive than I was. Everyone on the forums is nice and supportive, and I feel like I'm not alone, which is something I always struggled with. Overall, PatientsLikeMe has been a lifeline.
That's all for now. It's almost time on my schedule to work on my College Success Skills class project. If I feel energetic, I might update later.
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